A Private World

I stepped out of myself for a moment. I closed my eyes and allowed my mind to drift away. Soon, I arrived in a private world, quiet, clear, pure…my own imagination.

When I opened my eyes, I was sitting on a medium sized rock with water at my feet. I was in a river of shallow waters colliding into millions of small rocks. The rocks gathered over each other - as if protecting - like friends do.

The calm water didn’t try to break them apart. It just went by, running down in no hurry, forming a white blanket of mini bubbles. Trees and clouds reflected on it, and so did my body.

It was me, the person on the surface. The body I had owned for years was reflected on the water, only heavenly perfect. No allergies, no blemishes, no frizz on my long thick hair. Was it really me, then?

Yes, I recognized the birth mark on my left leg. The wedding band was on my finger, as always. No doubt those were my fingers! But my nails…they were long and strong like never before.

Better yet, I could feel the ones I loved near me. Although they were nowhere to be seen, I could feel them close. Maybe that’s why even alone I didn’t feel lonely.

My wet feet touched the grass as I moved away from the river. The green area looked like a carpeted land, immensely flat and suddenly unpredictable. From a distance I could see small hills going up and down, up and down…

Gently reflecting the sun, the grass felt warm and a little ticklish. Its color was perfectly green; nothing to add or take away. It was by far the most perfect lawn I had ever seen.

Beautiful fruit trees surrounded me, loaded with peaches, mangos and guavas. I couldn’t wait to savor one of those peaches; I knew what to explore next…

I realized there was no sense of time in that place. Slowly, I grew less and less skeptical. I didn’t have to be anywhere; no calendars, no telephones, nobody depending on me to be fed, guided, loved…No insecurities of being alone or wanting to be needed. No fear of failing or guilt; I felt complete.

I headed in the direction away from the sun. Birds were flying by, high and low. Eventually they walked, but mostly slow. Dozens of butterflies followed along the river, dancing with hundreds of small flowers.

The taste of that peach I grabbed along the way, you wouldn’t believe…it was as delightful as it looked. I shall never forget the aroma, as sweet as its flavor. In my pocket I also had a guava I was saving for later.

What a place…I thought to myself. But where exactly was I? It really didn’t matter. I was feeling so happy that geography was unimportant. It felt great to be there, wherever it was.

I was eager to cross the bridge I had spotted minutes earlier from afar. As I got closer I started to walk a little faster. The natural wood bridge was curved and fairly small. I predicted in fifteen steps or so I would be on the other side. I wanted to get to the sand and shade, where I had seen canvas and brushes on a table.

I didn’t even try to understand why there would be painting material resting under that tree. I just wondered who the art was waiting for…I was the only one around…

Maybe it was for me; I felt like painting anyway. And what a place to create a colored world of my own! I ran the last ten steps and finally reached the bridge rails. I slowed down to admire every step over the river…and then I rushed to the table.

I felt a great sense of peace and an immense urge to paint. A cute white bunny sinking his head in a bed of pinkish flowers inspired me to paint just that. I started its life on canvas. First I painted the body, legs, and tail, then the head, slowly designing the nose and mouth. Flowers were all around with blue skies on the background, and a few butterflies here and there.

Then, when I was just about to start on its long pointing ears, I heard a sweet voice saying, “Mommy, I can’t sleep. Can I sleep with you?”

Oh! That’s right! It was time to leave my private world… I tucked my little guy under my blanket, cuddled him in my arms, kissed him goodnight, and in no time we were both asleep.

Next morning, at breakfast table he told me about the cutest white bunny he dreamt of the night before. “It looked like a cartoon bunny, mom!” he said. “But how strange,” he continued, “the bunny had no ears!”

“Really,” I said, “Maybe you played with him too soon, before he was completely imagined.”

My little bunny asked, “What did you say, mom?” and finished his meal.