How to Disappear When Your Children Are Driving You Nuts (And there’s no one to give you a helping hand)

I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can't find me until after high school. ~Author Unknown

Activate the magic switch.

It’s that simple - if you have been meditating for the past decade or so, and therefore have become a pro in the field, this will work like a miracle!

If that’s not your case, don’t worry. There are other ways to magically disappear before you’ll regret you didn’t. Whatever you do, do it in good attitude.

Try leaving the house - without slamming doors or yelling - and go for a walk. Forget about the beauty of the birds, just focus on breathing. Breathe, breathe, breathe…

Yes, you are alive, and that’s very good!

If your children are small, well, then it’s probably not a good idea to leave them without adult supervision. Try this instead. Tell your kids, “Mommy said a very big bad word today. She must put herself in timeout and sit quietly to think about what she did.”

The rule is one minute of time out per human age (no dog age conversion allowed.) Say you are thirty years old, you will punish yourself for thirty minutes, all alone…For that period of time, you may do nothing but think about how you can deal better with life‘s inevitable issues. You may read if you want to.

To your children, thirty minutes or so in time out may seem like an eternity. To you, it will be long enough to get you back to your normal state of being. Your kids may think Geez, mom has been in time out forever! I ain’t saying bad words when I grow up!

So, make sure your children have a nice quiet movie to entertain them for the next half hour. Then, run to your room, shut the door (nicely), sit on the floor, rest your head on the wall, and let loose. You may cry if you feel it necessary.

Chances are it’s not really your children causing you to feel exhausted, but the entire world weighing on your shoulders, all at once. The kids are just on the very, very, very top of it. In the end, you are only human.

So, you may feel a sudden urge to laugh when you realize your plan is working. You hear nothing but silence coming from their room and your room is absolutely yours for the time being. So far so good…You are in time out all alone, and that feels great!

Don’t let your children find out you are happy about it, though. They might get confused. Don’t let them see you crying, either, that will puzzle them just as much.

The beauty about this technique is that it works wonders even in rainy days. Wait until the kids are extremely hyper, craving the sun that has been on vacation for the past week, and then remove yourself from the picture. If your body and mind feel the need for privacy, that is.

Now, if your children are older and can handle a short time on their own, and if it’s raining and the world is starting to feel heavy on your shoulders once again, go to Denny’s or a place like such.

Order a white chocolate cappuccino (you have an excuse for the sugar today,) but don’t order the smothered cheese fries. I repeat: do not order the smothered cheese fries. You will feel guilty right after the first bite, I promise.

Work on your Creative Writing assignment or do your taxes if you prefer. But DO take a break from the kids. When you return, you will see they are still there, safe and sound. You may actually feel like lying down by their side, possibly resting your head on their chests, and certainly feeling glad they are there for you.

For a moment, look around all you still got despite the madness of the world out there. Be grateful for the opportunity of growing up with your children. Someday, it will be them the parents. How well they deal with their children will very much depend on how you dealt with your own.

In the end, realize this: you are the lucky ones!